suicideless (no finger on the button)

sometimes, it comes on quick. in an elevator, at a red light. but never in front of Them (things blur here mostly) not as often and all too recognizable no matter how high those goddamn heels may be. so i can recognize the signs, the feral tugging at my mind. the scratching at my wrists; something is going to happen. crooked but it never does.

The one thing that comes with age is strength, so i belittle any attempts made at myself of which are all cerebral and fucking ridiculous. but a drug is a drug; it runs its course the way it will, the shaders come down once in a while. When it's you against you...well just hang the fuck in there.

google phone interview

had a phone interview with google recruiter for qa engineer position. only 12 month contract no benefits and paying 50 bucks an hour. spoke with matt. walked up big hill behind work and saw a black chair that i wanted to sit in, but didn't because the chair was on a hill and i would have fallen out. a guy came by wearing a hoodie with two small dogs talking on the cell phone about a guy who didn't have a cigarette on him. That's the second conversation I overhead about that.

Babies had rough time going to sleep, lots of crying. have the vacumn turned on. Babies doing better now. everyone is sleeping kind of.

manic mood apparently over

well it was fun while it lasted. being bi-polar sure has it's ups and downs. Not thinking much about anything. Posting has become null.